November 5, 2007...1:53 pm
Honour Thy Children
According to Adam Ingram, the children’s minister in Scotland, official warnings could be sent to the parents of obese children as young as five. The Department of Health confirmed that it favoured sending out warning letters to parents in England and Wales as part of a ministerial pledge to “go further and faster in the fight against childhood obesity”. I was surprised to read this news report. Aren’t parents supposed to be the ones who decide what is the best for their kid?
Today’s generation of children are most closely observed, monitored, and cherished. Families are smaller, and there are fewer children. Parents focus all their attention on children. Moms and Dads these days read volumes and volumes about how to be good parents. They have strong beliefs about what makes children successful and happy. Such parents believe that self-esteem is the key to lifetime success, and to this end they compliment their children a lot. They believe families should be democracies. They don’t give orders. They believe that children will do things when they are ready to. They ask their child politely if he or she will do something and are surprised and disappointed when the response is “no.” It seems parents have rewritten the Fifth Commandment to read, “honour thy children” instead of “honour thy father and mother”.
Constant parental praise is the new mantra. According to a study, children praised for their hard work were more likely to attempt difficult tasks and perform better than those praised for intelligence. Over-parented and under-disciplined children can also have trouble later as young adults while seeking an independent life. Kids who are constantly praised often become thin-skinned adults who have trouble taking negative feedback on their job or in their personal lives (if it is a boy imagine the plight of his poor wife). Kids who are told, “you can do anything!” may have extremely high expectations that can be hard to attain in our modern lives.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so painful if parents would let kids be in the kid zone; if they allow them to experience some of life’s disappointments while they themselves also go out and get a life of their own and don’t feel guilty talking on the phone, going out on weekends with their friends, etc. And it would probably pay to trust their own instincts as well as those of child care experts because after all, Mum and Dad know best.
8 Comments
November 5, 2007 at 6:09 pm
LOL. Reminded me of Russel Peter’s show in which he narrated the story of Indian parents whose kid grew up in Canada. The child threatened to call the police if the parents didn’t behave (or something like that).
Btw if I read this right, ‘Honor thy kid’ is a welcome commandment, but not at the cost of what it supposedly replaced
I have actually heard a story in which the children called the police because the grandparents were stopping them for staying out late at night.
Your parents would be happy to know that you don’t want to replace the fifth commandment
November 5, 2007 at 6:10 pm
test… is this moderated?
No Priyank, this is not moderated.
November 6, 2007 at 10:05 am
Prerna,
You are quite right in questioning the authority of the Government in meddling on such issues.
They will probably raise the argument that ‘we are spending X billion pounds every year on healthcare because of obesity-related complications, and so this could reduce the costs for the Government”.
Silly argument, if so.
Thanks Rambodoc.
November 6, 2007 at 6:16 pm
You are preaching to the choir here. I agree with everything you wrote. Here in the U.S. it’s become so bad that the parents who shepherded their kids through college are now showing up at their places of employment to negotiate salaries and job conditions!
A lot of them are being politely shown the exit.
While this new generation apparently competes against each other less, and works together better (according to some studies I’ve seen) they simply have not been taught that they have to earn their own bread.
I wonder what their children will e like. Are they going to have to be raised by their grandparents?
//now showing up at their places of employment to negotiate salaries and job conditions!// I wonder how the children react to that. Actually KnotKeats in India lots of children are being raised by the grandparents. The reason sometimes is that both the parents are working and the grandparents are not comfortable leaving the kids in Childcare. In joint families in any case all the adults in the family contribute in bringing up the children.
November 6, 2007 at 6:48 pm
@Priyank
thats what his father used to say I think….
I saw that Russel Peter’s show too.. “Somebody’s gonna get the hurt”
@Pr3rna
This is a very good topic that you took up…. I ve seen examples of this around me so often… and what you said about constant praise was very good… it needs to be balanced properly so that the child does not falter under criticism later in life. Its a very delicate process and I wouldnt blame parents if they are freaking out….
November 6, 2007 at 10:35 pm
I think it’s all a matter of balance. In the past, parental authority was too strong.
November 7, 2007 at 4:51 am
I agree with Rajiv that parental authority in the past was too strong, and that a balance of some sort needs to be struck between that and the much too lax authority we so often see today. Which to my mind raises the question of why can’t we ever seem to get it right — why do we instead swing from one extreme to the other?
You are right Paul extreme positions don’t help anybody.
November 7, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Paul:
Since I’m studying economics today, I couldn’t help but relate your comment to Keynesian analogy of a ‘Fool in the shower’:
“To get hot water, ‘the fool’ initially turns the lever all the way to the hot side. Then as he feels the water becoming hot he quickly turns the lever all the way to the cold side, and continues going back and forth without letting the full effects of either side settle in. “
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