March 30, 2007...5:31 pm
What hurts you the most?
As a 3 year old, what hurts is when your toy breaks. As a 4 year old when somebody bullies you in school or snatches your pencil box. As a 6 year old when your mother tells you that you can’t attend a friend’s birthday party, because she lives on the other side of the city and your father is at work. As an 8 year old, when you are not appreciated for your artwork although you think you did better than the kid who got the first prize, it hurts. It hurts when you are told that it is your fault and not your younger sibling’s fault, because she is younger than you; although you are sure she deserves to be punished for the act.
It hurts when your cousin gets precedence over you because she is the guest in your house. Your normally doting parents seem to hate you. As a teenager you hate to be a girl when there is some weird guy in the class ogling at you and making funny comments. You hate him. And as you grow older, all of sudden your parents are inquisitive about your friends and they won’t let you go out after a certain hour whereas your brother has that luxury at least a little more than you, then it hurts. ‘I am certainly more responsible than him’, you feel.
You grow up and remember the good things and the fun times which outnumber the bad times anyway. You never knows what is in store for you. So much more to feel and go through. You get married and have a wonderful family. There are times when you get hurt. Your child gets her first vaccination and you can feel the pain of that needle in that soft flesh of hers. When my daughter got her first vaccination I wished it was my flesh not hers. This is just the beginning. A child fractures her leg when she is just 11 months old. You curse yourself and blame yourself for being careless and letting that happen. You can’t sleep because you feel the pain when she moves. You are down with fever and what hurts you is not your health but the fact that you couldn’t take care of your young one.
All these trials and turbulations are nothing. There is more in store for you. You start understanding what your parents went through when you were young. Nothing can hurt you more or scare you more than the scare of your child hurting himself. It’s worse when you are sure your child is bound to get hurt and you are helpless. Theoretically it is easy to say once children grow up let them take the decisions. You have to be a parent to feel that pain and it is too late by then. You blame your upbringing but you can’t reverse the cycle of time. Outside factors are more powerful and your love and affection seems insufficient to prevent your child from falling into the trap. I hope and pray that some miracles do happen and mothers are given a chance to somehow prevent it or they can present themselves to be hurt instead of their children. I am sure nothing hurts more than seeing your child hurting himself.
12 Comments
March 30, 2007 at 6:24 pm
wow. I never knew the fears a parent goes thru.. love this post.
learning thru the pain,
Enit
March 31, 2007 at 5:16 am
I married too late in life to have children. I sacrificed having a wife and kids for a different kind of life. I’ve always envied those who lived the family life, had kids, watched them grow up.
A friend of mine visited me two nights ago for the second time in 26 years. One of his sons is getting his Ph.D. in Physics from MIT. Another one is being coerced/bribed/threatened/begged to finish college. He said that the longer he lives the more he realizes how little control parents have over how their children turn out. They are their selves. It is up to them to decide what is best for them.
I walk two miles every morning. The other day I saw a woman run out into the street (it’s a quiet suburban street) to grab her puppy, which had seen a chance to make a run for it. As she was carrying the puppy back to the house, a toddler made a break for the street, faster than the puppy.
How do those little kids, who look like they are on the verge of falling over all the time move so fast?
There were no cars on the street, but the young mother was in a state of complete terror as she ran out and scooped the child before it reached the end of the driveway.
She didn’t even drop the puppy.
These are the joys of being a parent.
March 31, 2007 at 8:22 am
But don’t you think it is important to inculcate the right decision making power in children. coz some day we have to leave them for taking independent decisions and it becomes even more hurting if they are not able to take their decisions.
March 31, 2007 at 9:24 am
So true…. child is suppressed from early childhood. Child has to live upto the expectation of parent and some time till the child grows into mid age because the parent/s are alive, and he cant refuse them.
March 31, 2007 at 11:45 am
Thanks JV for telling the child’s perspective. These days with the average life expectancy going up parental pressure stays beyond mid age sometimes. The point is there are certain decisions of life which are irreversible and there is a lot of caution required before taking such decisions. We have all gone through the stage when as soon as you enter teens you start thinking that, you know what is best for you. As you grow older you realise your folly but sometimes it is too late. Parents should also let go gradually. Too many expectations are bad but the minimum is that the child should be able to fend for himself. Once you are capable of standing on your own two feet legitimately parents should just play the advisory role and that too from a distance.
March 31, 2007 at 11:55 am
I agree with you Glandiem. Family life is a bliss. A child’s smile is the best gift from God. The other truth is that the scare of loosing your child is the worst nightmare one can have. I can relate to the mother running on the road after her little baby and imagine what went in her head. The first fall of the child as he learns to walk, the first time the child goes to school ,the first time the child falls sick and the first vaccination is difficult to forget for a mother.
When the going is good you love family life and when times are bad you feel like running to the Himalayas.
Thanks Greg your views are always thought provoking.
March 31, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Thanks Enit and Aaroh. I am glad Enit I could touch your heart. Aaroh you are right that we should teach children the difference between right and wrong but sometimes when certain decisions are taken before time the child cannot understand the repercussions.You cannot get a driving licence before a certain age even though you are intelligent enough. Certain capabilities come with age . There are no short cuts.
March 31, 2007 at 12:09 pm
I love these posts of yours : )
Hurt is temporary I think. And sometimes the hurt is worth the happiness that follows. It is a blessing, I sometimes feel, that nobody knows how the future will shape up; and one can only welcome it with open arms, knowing that there is a family or parent to fall back on, should times get difficult. The future is very often what you will it to be
April 1, 2007 at 5:04 am
I am neither a mother nor a father. I know there are uncaring parents out there, but the parents I know could feel no more pain than the pain of their children.
Even at my age my father worries about me. Sometimes it seems he worries about me more now than when I was a child, but I think that when I was a child I just took it for granted, or I was oblivious to how much a parent worries.
But it is a good thing that this pain come from. It comes from love.
April 2, 2007 at 7:10 pm
interesting topic
I’d like to add most parents tend to not teach their younger children the same way as they taught the elder ones.
Parents usually get softer, and take it a lot more easy on their child’s behavior. On the other hand, younger kids are often babied much longer.
April 3, 2007 at 8:08 pm
In her book “The Power of A Praying Parent”, Stormie O’Martian relates that sending a child into the world without praying for them is like sitting on the sidelines watching your child play (American) football without all the pads to protect them. Now of course sometimes a player still gets injured but it is much less severe with proper protection. I believe my kids are on loan to me from God. I am to be the best steward which means training them to one day fend for themselves while not being selfish, to be patient, kind, steadfast, forgiving, strong… An amazingly difficult challenge. And their every hurt is felt by the parent. I never knew how much my own parents loved me until I became a parent. I’ve since given them a little slack.
April 4, 2007 at 7:28 am
Thanks Joni for sharing your thoughts. Being a parent is a very educative experience. My daughters have made me a better daughter to my parents.
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